your thong is hanging out like whoa
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
