So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
