theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
