If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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