What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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