you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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