I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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