we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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