He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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