Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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