AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's shark week go big or go home
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
