You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize