That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
