so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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