you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
