We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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