just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
