Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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