Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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