Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
