What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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