She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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