He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
