do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
