we're blogging at a bar
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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