You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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