you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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