i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel