Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.