So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?