yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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