I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
