I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
