then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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