The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
