the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
