is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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