atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
