I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
