she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
