he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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