i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
