She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
