The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
