apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
