You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
