The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
