i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
