i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
