i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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