omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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