somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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