i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
