One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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