why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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