i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
