PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
