mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
