I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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