At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
