The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
