Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
