i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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